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Sunday, May 27, 2007 @ 12:04 AM
At A Wedding..

How To Make A Complete Ass Of Yourself At A Wedding

1) Show up in jeans and a T-shirt + sneakers, therefore causing stares and weird smiles to go your way.

2) During cocktails, stand with a group of girls wearing dresses and heels and makeup, all clutching handbags, and you stand there and shove your hands in your pockets casually.

3) Extract your iPod from your right pocket and stuff the earphones in your ears and nod your head vigorously to the latest Linkin Park song, causing said girls to stare and move away after a while.

4) After getting your table number and when you're walking to your table, you trip on the thick carpeting on the floor, letting out a scream.

5) Eat half the peanuts on the appetizer plate, bored out of your mind as the adults talk on and on and on and on and on about some tax shit - and realize that you actually nearly ate the whole plate a few minutes later.

6) Play a few funny videos on your phone - and laugh out loud, causing everyone at your table to stare at you weirdly like you've gone mental.

7) When the food comes, you grumble loudly, "Oh my God. FINALLY."

8) Drink copious amounts of iced Coke, causing the waiter to come back every 10 minutes to refill your glass.

9) Yell loudly at your brother because he keeps asking annoying questions.

10) Notice a cockroach on the ceiling of the ballroom and stare at it every 10 seconds.

11) Yell loudly at your brother because he refuses to answer you when you want to tell him something important like "There's a cockroach on the ceiling."

12) Keep checking the time on your phone and listen to your iPod occasionally.

13) Walk to the toilet, using the red-carpeted aisle, causing everyone to stare at you and your hideous outfit.

14) Trip on the carpet again on the way back to your table.

15) During the yam seng ceremony, stick both your fingers in your ears and cringe until all the yelling stops.

16) After the dessert arrives and you've finished, whine "Can we go home NOW?" loudly.

17) On your way out, shake the bride and groom's hand and pretend you know them, while they give you awkward smiles and say "Thank You for attending, we are really grateful for your attendance" when you really know they don't give a shit if you showed up or not - they weren't the ones who invited you. (Their parents did).

I hate weddings. Period.

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