Welcome! You've stumbled upon the page of an almost-nineteen year old that's currently undergoing one of her "Who Am I? What Am I Doing Here?" phases. She also happens to have a huge love for words, bright pictures and music, and constantly craves sweet, iced tea drinks. Buy her a cuppa, perhaps?
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Saturday, August 30, 2008 @ 6:32 PM
Happy Birthday Ryro.

today we
- found your skanky posts on livejournal back when you had a livejournal
- found out that you stalked Jac Vanek o rly
- still can't find a reason why you choose to wear your pants so high
- gawked at your disability to keep your large appendage at bay (seriously, keep that thing out of photos. do not want.)
- decided to make a band called Panic at the Chatgasm with Cyn playing Pete Wentz
- distorted your face in Photoshop and laughed at you
- called your girlfriend a skank
- are expecting that you and Bden will announce that you are a couple tomorrow morning

have a great 22!


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@ 1:18 AM
navigate me.

i've always wondered if i would make it. i told myself i would, but my low self-esteem and jealousy issues constantly brought me down over and over, time and time again. then i read something awe-inspiring and just so amazing that it just makes me want to try again.

and it's times like those that i feel that i can be who i want to be, only if i try.

and i'm going to make it, i am.

i am.


Wednesday, August 27, 2008 @ 7:37 PM
we've been conditioned to not make mistakes - but i can't live that way.

bent back

i'm in no mood to talk about how my day(s) is/are. it's all so blah, so mundane. i'm running on clockwork. constant rejection. pain. speech. communication. silent torture. little wonders. envious stares. daydreams. improvement. determination. sadness.

i'll miss you Caitlin :(

i swear i'm going to go over one day and we'll to to a Simple Plan show together with the Clique. just like we said we would. pinky swear.

if i'm free this weekend, i'll write about food and the Panic at the Disco concert i went to a couple of weeks back!

see y'all later. (Blogger is being a bitch at the moment - it's lagging my typing - i'd type then it all will come out in one burst after a long pause. so annoying!)

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Monday, August 25, 2008 @ 11:42 PM
the hallucinatory mind of a hungry girl.

R.I.P. Hershey's Peanut Butter Cup

although your time in this world was short, you brought me so much joy, contentment and (afterwards) guilt. you will be dearly missed as the rest of your kin also are no longer sitting in my refrigerator, waiting for their turn to be devoured/consumed.

time for a restock.

*rubs tummy*

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Saturday, August 23, 2008 @ 11:35 PM
doo doo dooooo.

the geek in the pink.

procrastination is what i do best!

i am on a mission to lose weight. once my left calf stops screaming in pain whenever i apply pressure to it (thanks to me sleeping at odd angles, my calf is somewhat cramped. weird eh?), i'm going to go jogging around the field outside.

my only fear is getting hit by a misthrown basketball whenever i'll drag myself past the basketball area - it's happened before. eek.

back to IPD slides and chandeliers. sigh.


@ 12:50 AM
of missing phones and a dose of bad luck.

my sort-of outfit.

today was an unlucky day of sorts for me:

- got bombarded with more designing work
*posters for prom, ya allah. i will scour Flickr and Deviantart tomorrow for a suitable stock picture!

*kanasai babi cab driver :(. i'm not elaborating any more on this, but let's just say that it's a repeat of what happened to Zheng Joo last year, just that it happened to me this time, wtf. just mail/msn me your numbers! you can still contact me at my old number - i discontinued my old SIM and got a new one, so no changes. PLEASE DONT GET OFFENDED when i answer my phone with a "Hi, who are you?" because as of now i only have like a total of seven numbers on my phone, so um, unless you're one of those seven i might possibly not know who you are.

- lens cap got stuck
* kns the fucker lodged itself between my lens filter and the side of the lens filter and refused to budge. i had to take it to the camera shop around the corner (i NEARLY went into the Canon center before realizing that i was holding a Nikon and i would be offending Canon in a way HAHA). thankfully the guy dislodged my lens cap without a problem!

- forgot to switch my camera off
* FROM FOUR PM UNTIL NOW OK. six hours okay! i'm so relieved that my camera doesn't feel hot or smell funny right now. kanasai :(

the good things:

- i wore a scarf!
* heh. i love my Forever 21 scarf. i seem to be attracted to most things purple these days. i seem to go for the purple colored stuff first before any of the other colors. have. to. stop. omg.

- i bought Breaking Dawn
* going to settle down and read it properly when i'm done with my assignments for the weekend. i have IPD slides to prepare and that skeleton i have to joint re-prepare with Jason. i heard that the book is kinda corny but whatever, it certainly beats Harry Potter.

- we had NANDO'S!
* i am a happy girl. yum.

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Thursday, August 21, 2008 @ 8:03 PM
ecstatic fat girl is ecstatic.



there isn't a better way to make a fat-girl-slash-girl-with-gigantic-shoulders feel happy when her top size in a store is XS instead of L (FUCK YOU VERY MUCH, ZARA!).

it doesn't hurt that their clothes are all plain, elegant and simple, just the way i like it. i also fell in love with every shirtdress on a rack by the door and several cottony-soft scarves hanging on hooks but bleh. a broke girl's gotta do what a broke girl's gotta do: leave them behind :( !!!!

i have yet to check out Studio R. they're apparently selling some Vans kicks now, and if you didn't know, Vans kicks are helluva sweet. i'm aiming for one of these babies, except i want them in black or possibly gray:

i am also after 2903752937592 tops and accessories from Forever 21.


the cons of not being filthy rich :(


Tuesday, August 19, 2008 @ 12:14 AM
today in point form.


- i barely got a wink of sleep last night. i woke up feeling as dizzy as shit, my head was also spinning and i couldn't walk straight, but somehow it all got better later in the day.

- we had our very first writing exercise in class today. we had to write/edit news intros and then Miss Gayatri would correct our work. t'was fun! i actually enjoyed doing work for once. ha. very proud of myself.

- read a few Ryden NC-17 fics in Miss. Jenny's tutorial (every time i type her name, i want to burst out in song, goddamnit. tahan. tahan). i bet the boys who sat behind me were scarred for life, because the font size was massive and they could probably read what i was reading easily. oh well.

- BURGER KING! the man who invented the BK Doubles Black Pepper burger deserves the Nobel Prize, thank you very much. and fuck, their fries are amazing. sorry, McD's, your ass just got pwned.

- MILO PENG! :D thank you Lucky Valentine.

- LOST PROPHETS! go listen go listen go listen GO LISTEN. they. are. motherfucking. awesome. i'm referring to their most recent album called Liberation Transmission, though the rest of their albums are just as awesome as well. it's been on repeat since this afternoon (on my iPod and at home) and i'm still not sick of it. don't think i ever will be anytime soon.

- brother says i look good in purplish pink. ironic, really, because i feel so ugly in purplish pink. go figure.

- i have a purple scarf. i likey.

- recognition.

- designs are coming along great! :D


- sleep!

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Sunday, August 17, 2008 @ 2:14 AM
fast times at barrington high.

i wasn't feeling it when i first downloaded it (whoops, sorry boys), but after putting the entire album on shuffle and constant loop on iTunes, consider me sold.

Fast Times At Barrington High, The Academy Is...'s third effort, sounds entirely different from their second one, Santi. if you're a hardcore Santi fan, you just might be disappointed when you hear this album. the boys have taken a more poppish direction, with twelve songs peppered with many catchy hooks and choruses.

being a huge powerpop/pop fan, i absolutely love this album, my favorite song out of the bunch being Crowded Room. i love the cheerleader-like beginning (Gabe Saporta of Cobra Starship lends his vocals here - listen closely) and the way the verses build up into an absolutely amazing chorus that i can't help headbanging along to.

the songs are surely going to be more radio-friendly. not too sure how i feel about this, though.

anyway, try listening to some songs on youtube/imeem and tell me what you think!


Friday, August 15, 2008 @ 5:39 PM
floating flocks of candled swans slowly drift across wax ponds.

i'm a locked up box and no one can open it save for the certain few with the correct set of keys hanging around their necks. will i always be like this?

when do i learn?


musings aside, i am deeply disgusted by news of constant acts of pedophilia by people that cannot be anything other than sick in the head.

thank you, news.com.au. it beats StarOnline by miles - very informative with odd stories of bizarre happenings regularly thrown into the mix.

bigfoot, anyone?

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Thursday, August 14, 2008 @ 10:51 PM
if in exchange for your time, i give you this smile.

such a wonderful distraction from sitting at the computer and going through endless, boring readings and course outlines.

*sigh of brief contentment*


Wednesday, August 13, 2008 @ 5:48 PM
at random.

- i feel like kicking the shit out of something with a sneakered foot but i don't know what/who.

- i want waffles coated in peanut butter and my stomach is growling but i must not eat. must. not. eat.

- i constantly wonder how did i ever write as well as i did in high school and now my writing is... well, equivalent to the four letter word that basically means faeces. how is everything going to work out in the end, i want to know.

- i want that goddamn distressed leather bag from Topshop but it's just so bloody expensive, and i just know that it's too risky to wait till sale time because there was only one left in the store when i went to visit it the other day. by the time i go back to actually buy it, it might probably be gone. *sob*

- i want a scarf. a long, Ryan Ross-ish one that i can wrap around my shoulders when i'm freezing my ass off in class.

- i just realized that i want so many things, and i'm not even done with my I Want rants yet. :(

- my face is covered with dots, zits and pimples, and sometimes i just wish that my mom owned Clinique or Estee Lauder or something so i can get free facial stuff without it having to cost a bomb to have some.

- i accidentally fell asleep about 203472397429 times in class today omg. and i had funny dreams. i dreamt of a blue rose/flower that opened and closed slowly. and when the flower closed, i jerked awake. i also dreamt that i was taking notes and listening intently in class when i was actually sleeping wtf. HOW WEIRD IS THIS.

- i need new stationery. my erasers and g-soft pens seem to have legs of their own. all i have in my pencil box: mechanical pencil, ruler, empty pencil lead box, random crumpled-up brochure from god knows where, broken lanyard, random green pen cap.


*dies at the epicness of this not-so-epic picture* (will explain if you care to listen. if you don't then tooo badddddd. you'd probably get it if you know me well, though.)

- damn, WHY must China win everything? :(
Tuesday, August 12, 2008 @ 3:55 PM

i can't seem to explain how i feel about all this. if i say it out loud, you'd run. hide, like i know you would. coward.

my stomach's twisted in a tight knot of anticipation. dread. anxiety. uncertainty.



Monday, August 11, 2008 @ 5:37 PM
15 things.

Rules :
1. Each player of this game starts off with 15 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself.
2. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 15 weird things/habits/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly.
3. At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names.
4. No tags back!!


Fact #1 - i always buy a new notebook for college/school with the resolution to fill it to the brim with anal notetaking and reminders and leave out all doodles, scribbles and other non-college stuff but then i fail after the second week or so.
it's so annoying when i can't be systematic when i want to. i'll usually break the rule when i'm bored out of my mind in class and i have nothing else to do or no one else to bother. sigh.

Fact #2 - i make a phone call to random people in socially awkward situations.
come on, don't tell me you haven't done that before. let's say you're talking to this friend, and this friend's friend that you don't know suddenly comes over and sits down with you guys at a table. then if it isn't weird enough, your friend leaves your table for the bathroom and you don't know what else to say. so, yeah, to save things, i whip out my phone and find some random pal to call up and chat. i am very very very very shy with new people so i usually come off cold and snobbish to new people, i guess :(. i'm not. i'm just shy.

Fact #3 - stuff on bed must be arranged in a certain manner
i get really iffy when the stuff on my bed is moved around. my bolster MUST be on the left side of the bed, my pillow MUST be exactly in the middle of the bed, Brendon the sheep HAS to be sitting opposite Patrick the dog on the right side of the bed and the comforter must be spread out over everything else, if not i won't go to sleep at all. haha i'm really OCD when it comes to sleep. otherwise, my room is just one whole big whirlwind of a mess.

Fact #4 - i unintentionally mess up my hair when i don't know the answer to something/when i'm confused.
i go errrr and then one hand goes up to my head. aodgjoagjoads it's getting really annoying.

Fact #5 - i pray every time we drive past a cemetery.
i don't know, it's been a habit ever since i was little. be it a Muslim, Buddhist or Christian cemetery, i'd clasp my hands together and just offer my apologies for looking at the site as we drive past.

Fact #6 - when i'm taking a shower, i must do things in order.
first, i will wash my hair. then, i will wash my face, then my body. lets say if i accidentally screw up and wash my face first, i have to start all over again. if i don't, i'll feel extremely unclean.

Fact #7 - i used to suck my thumb right up till my early teens.
as a result, my right thumb has a little lump there and is slightly fatter than my left one.

Fact #8 - i hate aquariums.
they make me feel uneasy and extremely claustrophobic. especially if it's a shark-tank like aquarium filled with billions of big fish staring back at me with their huge eyes. *shudders*

Fact #9 - i procrastinate a lot.
when i say i'll do something tomorrow, i'd do it like the week after or probably never at all.

Fact #10 - i read slash and often pair characters up whenever i like a movie/tv-series.
um. yeah. i'm your not-so-average fangirl next door. first there was Ryan/Brendon urie, then Pierre/David, then the whole LOTR business..... and then the rest is history.

Fact #11 - i have the habit of leaving things everywhere at home once i put them down and i usually take ages to hunt for them again when i need them because i've forgotten where i put them.
this is a habit my dad just loves to criticize me on.

Fact #12 - i'm a bad loser.
if you don't think so i am, i just don't show it.

Fact #13 - i get annoyed when people point out my flaws.
as i said, i'm a very bad loser. i'm getting better, though.

Fact #14 - my favorite ever thing to do is just lie on the beach and fall asleep to the sound of the waves crashing on the shore.
i did that in Redang and i didn't realize i fell asleep on the sand for about like five minutes until someone kicked sand in my face wtf.

Fact #15 - i secretly want to be a girly girl even though i constantly insist i will not be one.
i hate this the most about me :(

not tagging anybody, so if you're bored, you will be unbored after you do this! :D


Sunday, August 10, 2008 @ 11:51 PM
the fangirl in me needs a break..

i was going to write this whole long ass post about the MTV Asia Awards and the part where we stayed up like twenty four ridiculous hours just waiting about for celebrities to pop out of nowhere (ie. we sat around trying to stalk celebs in the lobby), but then it's now like 1.33 AM and my eyes feel as if they're going to pop out of their sockets and start rolling around on the parquet floor, so nghh no long post on the MAAs for you, not-so-sorry :D.

i will, however, give you pictures! how about that? yes? no?

due to all the jumping/singing/flailing around during the actual awards show, my hair stuck to my forehead in a sweaty tangled clump and I WASN'T AWARE OF IT THEN so of course, i look like shit in the photos but strangely i don't give a fuck. (okay maybe i do. just a little. a little.)

me and Spencer's drumstick that LeeYee got when the MAAs ended and stuff. you can't see it but my tongue is a funky shade of green! thank you, green tea frappucino. thank you.

Andrea (the one in black) and her buddies, a tipsy Greg Uttsada Panichkul (whom i have waited YEARS just to meet, thank you so very much), Melissa, me and Taya! even though tipsy due to all the partying and alcohol consumed during the post party (that we couldn't get access to), Utt was ever so sweet, and went "get some rest after this, okay? it's late. get some rest!" to us when the picture was over :D :D :D :D

and Taya is gorgeous in real life (*squelches stab of jealousy*), and really, really really really nice, even though her on-screen voice annoys me to no end.

a semidrunk Joey Zehr. i was like "one big group picture?" and he was like "sure, that'd be awesome, one big group picture, yeah 8D".

handddd arttt in Theodore green (thank you, LeeYee!). somebody turned off the auto focus on my camera so i had to do it myself.

my Pretty. Odd. CD that Ryan Ross and Jon Walker of Panic at the Disco signed :D their signatures are faded now due to all the unintentional moshing during the concert (the cd cover basically had sex with the inside of my pink Nike slingbag wtf), so i am doing all i can to protect what's left of them.

aaaaaaand last but not leastttt

Claire, Jon Walker and i!!!!!!! i can die happy now.

this man is bloody witty. i'd love to have a conversation with him one day.

he wrapped an arm around my shoulder and then this woman from Warner who was with him whom we call 'Yong Ah Beng' (it's a long story, but lets just say that we come across this certain woman a lot) was all, "LAST PICTURE" so Melissa told Claire to get into the picture. Jon waited patiently and then wrapped an arm around Claire's shoulder too. aofgjoafgaoddf :DD such a sweetie, i tell you.

it only was 2938749239 times more awesome that we were going to see him again on Tuesday in concert, and LeeYee and i tried to tell him that we were, but he wasn't listening (he was busy having another photograph taken).

i think he did recognize us, though, on Tuesday.

and now, i think that deserves to be in another blogpost by itself, no?

until then, ciao, lovelies.

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Thursday, August 07, 2008 @ 11:16 PM

i am back into the world of Panic at the Disco slash fandom and it feels PRETTY DARN GOOD.



Wednesday, August 06, 2008 @ 9:57 PM
we have more wit.

than Joe Guese.

in fact, we pwned his asssssssss (well sort of) haha.

leeYee~: yeah, because it's "all about the music".
joe: It's actually about 15 Jangli Baqarah's. thank you.
joe: I'm dying for 15 goats on my farm. Times are hard.
leeYee~: lol ic. that's pretty rad.
WINNIE.: lol and what in the world are Jangli Baqarah's?
joe: wouldn't you say as our friends panic would say "that's pretty odd"
joe: come on wild goats duuhh
kaitorade™: i think what we need to discuss, instead, is how Joe is obviously a terrorist.
WINNIE.: lol, obviously. joe, explain yourself.
joe: to myself maybe
leeYee~: should we be worried about any possible bomb threats?
WINNIE.: if click's next album comes out all flowery, i'd know where that came from.
joe: na it's just the dog days of summer and i just feel like talking.
WINNIE.: just curious: old panic or new panic? (though i would probably already know the answer)
leeYee~: lol the click five pulling a ~panic - that'd be something special.
joe: Yes when i say panic i mean the great jam band widespread panic. I'm from Colorado come on.
WINNIE.: lol actually i was asking about between the two cds Panic at the Disco released, but thats an okay answer, too.
joe: notice anything between our old name The Click Five and our new one The! Click Five (super fucking epic line - we loled at it so hard omg)
WINNIE.: HAHAHAHAHAHAA o rly. i will watch for cabaret dancers and elaborate makeup on stage then.
leeYee~: hahahaha oic The Click Five stealing the ! from Panic
WINNIE.: so that's where it went, ic ic.
joe: god i should come here more often. I say something smart ass and get an even more smart ass reply. Need to really test my wits.
joe: come on 500 pages by noon tomorrow!!!! :)
WINNIE.: lol n, we just might leave you here talking to yourself just because~ w8, what time is it there?
leeYee~: ahhh we learn from the best obv. "I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck" -Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off by Panic
WINNIE.: absolutely.

sarcasm is an awesome weapon to wield.

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Monday, August 04, 2008 @ 11:39 PM



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Sunday, August 03, 2008 @ 5:59 PM
yesterday was....


i finally met two out of the four members of Panic at the Disco, who have been my musical heroes ever since 2004. their music is just amazing, something i can barely talk about online without keyboard bashing or squealing in caps lock about how mind blowing their songs are.

Ryan "wasn't feeling well", and i think he got pissed off with all the crowding around (because of course teenies want a picture with him because he's "so cute"). Jon was amazing though, he high-fived all of us on the way up to his room, signed me and Lee Yee's CDs and then later took a picture with us - and yes, he was wearing his everpresent pair of flipflops! where are the mandals, Jon?

being so starstruck, i forgot to thank them for the amazing set they gave us during the awards show (no shit, it was FUCKING AMAZING. me and Melissa were yelling out the lyrics and dancing our asses off) and tell them about how psyched i am to hear the rest of Pretty. Odd. live on Tuesday. aaaaaaaaah damnit.

i really am pissed off at this certain group of people who just happen to like Panic just because Ryan is good looking. sure, he IS good looking (well, kind of, but he butchered his hair again, so you lose brownie points, RyRo), but please, like him for the amazing music he writes. don't proclaim that you're their biggest fans when you only like famous people just because they're famous and they're hot. seriously. biggest losers of the century, much?

we didn't get to meet Spence and Brendon :(. i really wanted to meet the big kid that is Brendon and the bearded man that is Spencer Smith (and chuck a shaver at him, so he'd get the message). maybe i will, one day.

nevertheless, i am really thankful for the amazing experience we've had. i would have never imagined that i'd meet THE Ryan Ross and THE Jon Walker, ever, and after reading so much about them online and saving countless pictures to be iconized, there they were in the flesh.


by the way, i nearly died when there were not one, but TWO Ryden moments on stage. holy freaking shit, it was just adfhu8adhgaodfngiadfbgo;adfbghafgiladfnga11odfiahga9dr


this pairing was the pairing that sparked my immense interest in slash and bandom. they're my number one official true pairing, and THEY WILL ALWAYS BE.

i loveddddddd yesterday.



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Friday, August 01, 2008 @ 9:30 PM

haircut ahoy! it's like a mini version of the long hairstyle i've been sporting since forever. i'm still getting used to how short my hair is now :D

MTV Asia Awards tomorrow! i hope i do get to meet Panic at the Disco and tell them how much they mean to me.

or probably a hug from Jared Leto should suffice...

let the festivities begin!

university? what university?

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