Welcome! You've stumbled upon the page of an almost-nineteen year old that's currently undergoing one of her "Who Am I? What Am I Doing Here?" phases. She also happens to have a huge love for words, bright pictures and music, and constantly craves sweet, iced tea drinks. Buy her a cuppa, perhaps?
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Tuesday, June 19, 2007 @ 3:08 PM



That's what I am.

I'm paranoid about everything.
Diseases. Ghosts. Insects. Stuff that i'm afraid of. Murderers. Serial killers. Robberies. Etcetera, etcetera.
Especially diseases.

I remember not too long ago (4 years ago to be exact), my cousin brought back this Medical Q&A book for my mother about every single ailment available.
During one of my nightly Mamee noodle escapades, I was curious, and since there was nothing better to read, I flipped through the book, hoping to gain some knowledge.
Oh, I gained knowledge, all right.
A mere flip-through, and i'd read about diseases such as diabetes, cancer and leukaemia.
I was especially interested about the symptoms - hey, they say curiosity kills the cat, and really, i've learnt my lesson.

I read that if you had diabetes, your symptoms were drinking massive ammounts of water, eating too much, losing weight in a short period of time, always feeling thirsty, frequent urges to pee, having sweet cravings (shit, i DO have sweet cravings. fuck -_- i'm being paranoid again...) and even wetting the bed at night.
From then on, I drank less water, thinking that if I drank more, I would pee more, and therefore i'd be diabetic.
I know, you'd probably be going "Omg, paranoid much?" as you read this, but seriously, you'd be too if you read through the book.

I kept pestering my mom to take me for a blood sugar checkup.
I fasted for a whole morning, not even drinking a drop of water.
Finally, when my mom took me to have that checkup, the reading was 5.6.
I got so scared, I almost passed out in front of everybody in that little pharmacy.
Mom had to shove something sweet into my mouth and wave a bottle of oil over my nose until the color returned to my face and I could breathe properly again.

Well, after that, I drank nothing but water and iced tea, and ate no sweets - only lots of Ricola and S-Mint (claiming to be sugar-free sweets, but there was sugar in them, only I wasn't really smart enough to read the scientific names of chemicals at the back of the little packs).
I stayed off sugar for around six whole months.
I guess the packs of Ricola were what kept me going.

Well since then, i've been really afraid to test my sugar level.
I'm scared that if I do, my sugar level will be higher than before.

Now in college, i've been drinking lots of sweet things each day like teh ais and bubble tea.
And only drinking like a tiny cup of water before bed. (True, I swear).
It's really surprising that i've survived until now.

I think I want to stay away from sugar again.
And i'm gonna drink lots of water.
It may be too late, but at least i'm making a change.

Please smack me if you see me ordering or drinking anything else but water or iced chinese tea.


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