Welcome! You've stumbled upon the page of an almost-nineteen year old that's currently undergoing one of her "Who Am I? What Am I Doing Here?" phases. She also happens to have a huge love for words, bright pictures and music, and constantly craves sweet, iced tea drinks. Buy her a cuppa, perhaps? refresh? || email || facebook
Wednesday, March 19, 2008 @ 1:19 AM
i'm so sorry.
so, i was cleaning my mailbox today and i found this unopened email from Mugen waaaaaaay back on my birthday.
hey winnie how its going today? ..you know when i met you i thought u were like all ppl i met in RO haha but you know i never noticed when we became so close haha u know i really appreciate ur friendship i really want to met you in person that would pwn XD cuz u are a very special girl not like girls here i know u are more MORE lol open and funny and creative u have like a special power i dont even know u in person but i really appreciate you if something bad happends to you i wont think twice to help you you know u count with me ..haha i cant understand how can i pass better moments talking with you than with ppl that i know well actually i do haha cuz u are super druper (that super druper was stolen from u) XD intelligent and u really know when i say you look pretty in pic and that about u sexy its true XD lol true you are 1 of the most perfect girls i know haah well i cant tell u that you are perfect cuz no1 is but u are so close to be :) belive me ahhhh winnie :( i wana malasya :( but i dun think i can till 2008 maybe cuz i didnt pass maths and dad is mad at me :( shitttttt haha well someday someday :) (i hope) LOL well hmmm i gtg now but all i ve said here its true you are pretty,sexy,intelligent,creative,good friend,and all good things in the world... knew you is 1 of the best things that has happened to me =) ok ok hah now i gtg have a beautiful day and be sexy hot cute carrot :) dun let ppl annoy you :) and AGAIN HAPPY BIRTHDAY HONEY =)
HOW COULD I HAVE MISSED THIS?
was i blind or something?
i'm sorry Mugen. really. these days i've been really busy and stuff and i always end up accidentally leaving you mid-conversation till you go offline. i'm sorry - i don't intend to do that - it's just that i'm so caught up in what i'm doing that i always forget that i'm doing something else. (ask Huai - i always end up accidentally leaving her mid-conversation, too.)
i really treasure this e-mail.
you're one of the best friends i've ever met - most of the people in RO i've met before Ardent were just guys who were nice to talk to in-game. you're so much more. you're a true friend, Mugen. always remember that. you're the first friend to send me such an e-mail like this that made me smile. :)
you'll always be our caring, kind, super-duper carrot who'll always be there for us.
thank you so, so, so, much. :)
*
i spent most of my night designing this. i just finished it ten minutes ago.
i love the colors and stuff, and the theme!
i hope the girls on the poster don't realize that i actually chose their picture randomly on Google and used it...
Here's a story I thought of, inspired by the movie Sunshine. It's NOT about Ryden slash or homosexuality. I don't know what's it about.
I just felt this... feeling. This story is deep.
Besides, homophobia is stupid.
Stars.
"Do you believe in God?"
We crouched behind the altar an hour before the Wednesday night service, leaning against the base of the cross and sinning. "Do you believe in God?"
With his face so close to mine, his honey-brown eyes staring into mine, it was so hard to say no.
Ryan took my hands and rested them on his, not giving me the chance to wipe off the sweat. His were cool and smooth, like a rose petal. Mine were cracked and rough as thorns. Even with the Xanax in my system, my heart was racing. My breathing was kiddie-pool shallow and my hands were in Ryan's.
"Maybe one night, we will."
.
That night we laid on the church roof and watched cars speed down the highway. The sky was polluted with light from yellow street lamps and red headlights, smoke from the factory on the other side of the road. To the west, pink and blue and green fluorescent lights from the strip shone. Stars are obsolete in Vegas.
All of Vegas reflects on Ryan's skin. The real sky hides behind the bright lights. Miles and miles of nothing but airplanes and rockets and gases and the moon. Somewhere beyond the strip there are billions of lights that sparkle like the champagne in the casinos and shine brighter than pennies and quarters spilling out of slot machines.
These massive balls of burning gases rest somewhere in Ryan's eyes.
But stars are obsolete in Vegas.
Ryan asks, "Are you afraid of falling?"
Underneath us all I see is cars and pavement, cars and pavement and lights. What if I were to fall? This far above the city, split by gamblers and trophy wives... this far above the city with Ryan at my side, the moment I lost my footing I would grow wings.
"No." He turns away from the skyline and stars straight through my eyes and into my heart.
I'm seeing stars.
"Brendon, can you fly?"
He runs his fingertips down my cheek, and you would've thought he was wearing a silk glove if it weren't for the electricity pulsing through my veins, electricity that can only be a result of skin-on-skin contact. Or lightning. His hand returned to his side and it was like someone had flipped a switch and turned off the sun.
"We'll fly someday."
The word "we" was my compensation.
.
"What's your worst fear?" he asked me, shaking the last drop of Jack Daniel's into his mouth. I don't remember too much about this, except for the headache I had when I woke up.
"Hell." I broke the top of a new bottle and took a swig. Ryan drinks because he can remember all the crazy shit people tell him. I drink so he has crazy shit to remember.
"Why?"
"Because that's where I'm going." He didn't answer immediately. I took it as a sign to take another drink. The gravel I leaned back on cut my palms.
"Me too." He grabbed the Jack Daniels from my hand and poured Skyy vodka into my mouth. Excess alcohol left a wet spot on my shirt.
"Brendon," Ryan took my hands, forcing me to use the dumpster to support myself.
My shirt stuck but I was too busy concentrating on Ryan to care, my darting eyes taking the path his paved. Behind him was a backdrop of what was probably bricks and trees and parked cars; but blurred together, a rainbow.
"Brendon, you're not gonna die alone."
My hands stung like hearts and Ryan's vodka was seeping into my cuts and through my skin.
.
I met him at a strip joint a block away from the church.
Ryan sat in the corner with a notebook and cheap whiskey. He didn't talk to anyone. A blonde with a scarf around her chest tried to give him a lapdance.
We made eye contact as I slipped out the door, clutching a bottle of half-empty vodka.
.
Am I loud and clear, or am I breaking up? Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck? Are we getting close or are we just getting more lost? I'll show you mine, you show me yours first. Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse. Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words.
Midway between the church and the strip club there's a highway underpass. Next to the underpass is a retention pond. Paper cups from fast-food chains and cigarettes litter the banks, and the stench is something of oil and brake fluid. Ryan's jeans were rolled to the knee and his legs dangled that deep into the water. I don't know whether to watch his fingers or his lips or his eyes.
We live on front porches and swing life away. We get by just fine here on minimal wage. If love is a labour I'll slave 'til the end. I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand.
The Rise Against ballad escaped his lips sounding like perfection. I can't think of any way to describe perfection beside Ryan singing Swing Life Away. Under the layer of gray clouds and kept company by half-eaten McDonald's burgers and styrofoam cups, we could be anywhere.
I've been here so long, think that it's time to move. Winter's so cold, summer's over too soon. Let's pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow. I've got some friends, some that I hardly know, But we've had some times I wouldn't trade for the world. We'd chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go.
Lightning struck and Ryan continued playing. His acoustic guitar was splitting at the bottom, and there were traces of water damage around the neck. Rain pelted down on us. Thunder tried to drown him out but I was deaf to anything that wasn't Ryan.
If love is a labour, I'll slave 'til the end. I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand.
The sky was no longer gray. It was black and purple and green. Highway traffic was thinning, but Ryan was singing and his voice alone was more effective than any dose of Xanax. He slipped towards the water, until dark brown ran up the threads of his jeans from the murky pond.
It's darker than night ever is in Las Vegas. There's one flash of lightning, as for the shortest second Ryan and his guitar are silhouetted against a yellow-white backdrop. Blindingly bright like staring straight into the sun. Bright white like the stars I'll never see.
...Swing life away.
The next second all I see is the broken neck of a guitar, scorched and floating away from me.
.
May 13, 2007 On Saturday, May 12th, two young men were found by the retention pond off of Highway 72. The body of Ryan Ross, 17, was discovered floating on the pond. Officials say he was killed when lightning struck the water. He died immediately. Brendon Urie, 15, remains in shock but is uninjured. The service for Ross will be held on Friday the 18th.
.
I don't understand why cars still speed down the highway stories underneath me. The streetlamps, the neon lights from the Strip make me want to scream. I want to see the nighttime sky the way it's supposed to be seen. Ryan's eyes are in the stars. But stars are obsolete in Vegas.
Even on a triple dose of Xanax and prescription painkillers, you're too alive for the city not to shut you out.
During the service underneath me, people pray for Ryan's family and Ryan "in heaven". Do I believe in God? "Yes." There's a response. I turn around and all of Vegas's lights go off for me. "Ryan?" He laces our fingers together, makes them fit so perfectly. It's me, he says, I'm here for you.
From the view from the church roof, we can see a black hole. Even mud and asphalt reflect more light than the retention pond. "Are you afraid of falling?" he asks. We slip closer and closer to the edge of the roof. I might be legally insane without my Xanax. Ryan cups my face in his hands and strokes my jaw with his thumb. The contact sends sparks down my spine. It reminds me of lightning. His eyes shine, and he doesn't look at me. He looks into me.
I can feel his breath on my lips when he whispers, "Brendon, we're going to fly." And with his hand in mine,
I jump.
***
Tomorrow i'm going over to college to work on assignments with a certain donkey and a certain pelican. Though it's work, i'm kind of glad that i'll be actually doing something productive for a change, this weekend instead of lazing around, doing nothing and raiding the fridge. And who knows? It might be fun ;)
i want electric blue nailpolish. :(
I've learnt to treasure all I have.
You left me hanging from a thread we once swung from together I’ve lick my wounds but I can’t ever see them getting better Something’s gotta change Things cannot stay the same
be inspired by all that you see today. in my case, Capa from Sunshine.
Capa: So if you wake up one morning and it's a particularly beautiful day, you'll know we made it.
After reading WeiHong's post, I felt nostalgic, and I was inspired to do the same. And after going through a few photo albums, I realized one thing.
I've been doing piggy faces since young.
Really.
Don't believe me? Here, i'll show you!
Hell, I was one evil kid.
Me in red-and-white-dress : MWEHEHEHE... A YEAR CLOSER TO BEING LEGAL~!
Me during my 2nd birthday party.
>=D after watching too many reruns of power rangers and what not... "I SHALL RULE THE WORLD!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA~!!!"
I had this as my DP in MSN for like 30 minutes.
"Eh, was that you !?" "Yeah. LOL! Damn evil right my face >=D I have 10 other pictures with this same expression LOL" "... Thank God I didn't know you when you were younger."
Thats me, one year old or more, with my mom.
i'm the one in the flowery monstrosity that my mom chose to put on me, next to Huai (in the hood) and Bone (striped red-and-white candy cane shirt). MINI GUAVAS HOOO!
WE THA NIGGAZ WITH BIG SNEAKAZZZ! I just noticed we ALL we wearing sneakers. Mine was white with pink laces *smacks forehead* HOW DID I LET MY MOTHER DRESS ME LIKE THAT?!
Thats me, three or four years old and on holiday with the cahzens :D
And lastly...
Wilson: "MA! WHERE'S MY FERRARI?! YOU SAY YOU GIVE ME FERRARI BUT INSTEAD YOU GIMME PAPER PLATE! :( *pouts*"
That's my brother with his stupid i-wan-food face -_- everytaim he wants food sure put on that pout. garenti. more proof tomorrow - i found a few more pictures that made me laugh like an ass.
p/s: TERENCE, I WANT SHOGUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Theres no kindness in your eyes The way you look at me, it's just not right I can tell whats going on this time Theres a stranger in my life You're not the person that I once knew Are you scared to let them know it's you? If they could only see you like I do Then they would see a stranger too
maybe it's me, maybe it's you. but whatever it is, we're different. it's all different. what do i have to do to bring it all back?
"Blog about something more interesting ... why nowadays your blog like so dull already??"
That's because my life is dull.
I'm not really allowed to go out, and most of my time is spent sitting in front of the computer.
What am I supposed to blog about? Pics of me sitting at the computer in my pajamas?
Oh, today, I sat in front of the computer and then I played RO. I talked awhile with Huai and Joan and then I went downstairs to read a little LOTR and then I sat and played with my dog Candy for around 10 minutes and then... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
(The only part of the holidays I actually enjoy is sleeping in. Other than that, zero. Nil. Nada. Nothing else. Oh, yes, and the fact that I need not dress up to go anywhere every day -_- I can just throw on an old teeshirt and a pair of shorts.)
I have this strange craving for beef right now. Japanese teppanyaki beef with that sweet sauce on top.......... *drooools*
Okay, enough, before I create a puddle on my tabletop.
Yeah, I designed something today. A design of the band The Academy Is... It took me around six hours to finish it, and touching it up.
It's on my design site, MascaraSpots, and I love it to death. :D
All right. That said, I need to continue with the writing of my story - I hope i'll really finish it, because this time, i've actually got a plot for it. Yes, mister smarty pants (you know who you are), YOU CAN HELP BY NOT NUDGING ME EVERY TIME YOU SEE MY STATUS ON AWAY.
I'm paranoid about everything. Diseases. Ghosts. Insects. Stuff that i'm afraid of. Murderers. Serial killers. Robberies. Etcetera, etcetera. Especially diseases.
I remember not too long ago (4 years ago to be exact), my cousin brought back this Medical Q&A book for my mother about every single ailment available. During one of my nightly Mamee noodle escapades, I was curious, and since there was nothing better to read, I flipped through the book, hoping to gain some knowledge. Oh, I gained knowledge, all right. A mere flip-through, and i'd read about diseases such as diabetes, cancer and leukaemia. I was especially interested about the symptoms - hey, they say curiosity kills the cat, and really, i've learnt my lesson.
I read that if you had diabetes, your symptoms were drinking massive ammounts of water, eating too much, losing weight in a short period of time, always feeling thirsty, frequent urges to pee, having sweet cravings (shit, i DO have sweet cravings. fuck -_- i'm being paranoid again...) and even wetting the bed at night. From then on, I drank less water, thinking that if I drank more, I would pee more, and therefore i'd be diabetic. I know, you'd probably be going "Omg, paranoid much?" as you read this, but seriously, you'd be too if you read through the book.
I kept pestering my mom to take me for a blood sugar checkup. I fasted for a whole morning, not even drinking a drop of water. Finally, when my mom took me to have that checkup, the reading was 5.6. I got so scared, I almost passed out in front of everybody in that little pharmacy. Mom had to shove something sweet into my mouth and wave a bottle of oil over my nose until the color returned to my face and I could breathe properly again.
Well, after that, I drank nothing but water and iced tea, and ate no sweets - only lots of Ricola and S-Mint (claiming to be sugar-free sweets, but there was sugar in them, only I wasn't really smart enough to read the scientific names of chemicals at the back of the little packs). I stayed off sugar for around six whole months. I guess the packs of Ricola were what kept me going.
Well since then, i've been really afraid to test my sugar level. I'm scared that if I do, my sugar level will be higher than before.
Now in college, i've been drinking lots of sweet things each day like teh ais and bubble tea. And only drinking like a tiny cup of water before bed. (True, I swear). It's really surprising that i've survived until now.
I think I want to stay away from sugar again. And i'm gonna drink lots of water. It may be too late, but at least i'm making a change.
Please smack me if you see me ordering or drinking anything else but water or iced chinese tea.
God, please warn me one month in advance before anyone is going to spring us a 13+ page assignment next time? Thank you.
Off tooooooo beddddddddddzzzzzzzzzzz *snore
*slaps self* THIS. HEADER. IS. GOING. TO. STAY.
at least for one month. i've been flitting from header to header to header to header and i can't stop designing!
when i take a break from working on the superhero assignment i just start to design.
well, this time, Ryan Ross from P!ATD (Panic! At The Disco - great music, by the way), inspired me, big time i just LOVE that picture he is in with Brendon. Both of them would make a cute couple, don'tcha think? *coughstoherselfandremembersdollarandpounds*
the credits are at the bottom left, if you want to know where i get my brushes and stuff from
and now, pictures, for you to drool on :-
i think my ryanross obsession is returning again >_> (if you know me well, i tend to obsess over certain cute celebrities from time to time...)
Proves that most people put eyeliner on with their mouth open
He uses mascara - or is it liquid eyeliner? - to do intricate designs on his face Damn talented ok - i can't even put my own eyeliner on properly -_-
(as you can see, i used this pic up there)
The whole band of P!ATD floating in a sea of black balloons I decided not to include the other 2 members - they don't really look as good as Brendon and Ryan.
I also used this picture and i'd purposefully cut a bit of his shoulder off >_> .. Fine. It was an accident :( *sighs .. too late to go and edit it now :( *
Ryan on the left with his ubercute hair!
My most favorite picture of P!ATD.
:) Ryan shooting an adorable smile to the audience.
I also covered half of Ryan's guitar accidentally. -_- must learn to be more careful next time.
Ryan is the songwriter for all of P!ATD's songs (yes, all their songs have very very unique lyrics) That's where his artistic side kicks in ;)
Brendon looks like a duck in this pic. NEXT. (and yes, i also used this picture in my header :D )
Scary Ryan. Serious Ryan.
I absolutely LOVE his makeup jobs - all self done!
Emo Ryan I looove this pic.
"Winnie, who is that zombie in your display picture?" said Mugen >_>
Ryan Ross is pretty ;)
Well then, I shall have to leave this here, before Mr.Indy kills me on Wednesday for not doing work >_> * have to go analyse the fantastic4 now JohnnyStorm is burning hawt :D
i miss a certain friend :( it'sbeensolongsincewehadabitchtobitch talk *sigh
p/s: i cut my hair today it's so short i feel like gluing my hair back on
nuuuuuuuuuu :( supermanreturns down, batman, catwoman *anyone got DVDs?*, fantasticfour and spiderman to go!
*drinks more lipton ice green tea and gets to work*
holy baloney i'm addicted on designing now that explains my newest header yet, featuring Simple Plan inspired by manikka
naw, it's not permanent ; i'm reverting it back to my beloved GoodCharlotte tomorrow just downloaded their whole album, Good Morning Revival i adore You're Gone, Superman Can't Walk and Dance Floor Anthem and of course, Keep Your Hands Off My Girl
oh yeah, credits to SimplePlanFan for pictures (absolutely adore the tiny one on the right where they are all wrapped up in the yellow-and-black-striped-duct tape) i made it small so that you people wouldn't fall in love with it too - too many people already brushes to vDesigns (check back to yesterday's post for the link) fonts to daFont and yeah i think that's pretty much it
tell me which one you like best and maybe only then i'll make my decision right now, good charlotte it is
so enjoy looking at simple plan for one day if you didn't see it, then look above :)
alrighty, off to RO for guildwar! then research on superheroes looking at brandon routh and christian bale ain't so bad after all :)
" Hahaha, your header looks so fake loh! looks like u didn't design it at all and copy it from some unofficial fansite and just photoshop it and just add your name there n claim it as yours hahaha don lie la i noe u " from a so called friend a few minutes ago
haha, my header looks fake? well, that's what you think.
wow, it looks like it's from some official fansite? thank you, that's such a compliment!
wow, you think i just photoshopped it and just added my name there? three words : fuck off, asshole. as an artist (well, sort of), i NEVER plagarize or take any body's work, and if i do, i CREDIT them or ask permission, that's why i credited the brushes and stuff i used below, and the whole header was made by ME, pieced together by ME and toiled over for 2 hours.
hahaha, don lie la i noe u? you know me? well, think again.
**end edit, as of 12.15 midnight
tribute to Good Charlotte, the bestest punk band of all time
and to Billy Martin because he rocks.
hope y'all like it. i designed it right after i ranted in the last post :S oh gosh it's already 5.31PM
time really flies when you're designing
inspired by mothersound whose blogskins and artwork rock socks
and i think i really overdid it this time went crazy on brush spam and collage and stuff so post your comments on the tagboard if you like it!
brush credits to celestial-star and to vDesigns and random images of good charlotte through google fonts through daFont
i am happiest when left alone to design, i realized i drown out everything and don't even scream at my brother billymartin helped to solve it all
so visit his artwork site and blog here it's really really inspiring
yeah, so i'm logging off now, cos' i'm supposed to go out
Little Wonders. (some of the you's may be the same people.)
- you, and i just hugged you goodbye today :D . you've been practically one of my best friends for my whole life. - you too. FUU-YOH! - you're still and will always be my favorite bimbo ;) - you, whom i've only known for only these two past years (and a few years in primary school) but nevertheless you're a great friend. - you .... you don't know how important you are to me... and you just don't realize it. but thank you so so much. and i treasure everything. - you two. spending time and hanging out with the both of you has brightened up my college days :) - you. the brother from another mother. - you, who drew this :D and sent it to me. and you keep reminding me to wash my hands after i eat >_> LOL
Bat-carrot (notice the little Batcarrot sign! LOL) and Super-carrot respectively. I ADORE supercarrot. SO CUTE LOL. - you, whom i tell all my problems to and you would solve it in your happy-go-lucky way :) .. i miss all those convos with you :S i'm missing a little Dollar2Pounds here!! - you, with all your mammoth jokes LOL :P - you, all about Portugal, Manchester United and Maria Sharapova -_- - you, with your "innocent" lines like "Joan, thanks for blowing" and "Can I ride your dog?" LOL and your expression when your car was towed XD - you. i shared a bit with you and you shared a bit with me. well, your secrets are safe with me. - and all of you others. thank you.
"Wondering"
If you want me to wait I will wait for you If you tell me to stay I would stay right through If you don't wanna say Anything at all I'm happy wondering
Go!
Yeah, yeah
Since I was a young man I never was a fun man I never had a plan and no security Then ever since i met you I never could forget you I only wanna get you right here next to me
Cause everybody (a-whoa-oh-oh) Needs someone that they can trust and You're somebody (a-whoa-oh-oh) That I found just in time
If you want me to wait I would wait for you If you tell me to stay I would stay right through If you don't wanna say Anything at all I'm happy wondering
Now my life is changing It's always rearranging It's always getting stranger than I thought it ever could Ever since I found you I wanna be around you I wanna get down to the point that I need you
Cause everybody (a-whoa-oh-oh) Needs someone that they can trust and You're somebody (a-whoa-oh-oh) That I found just in time
If you want me to wait I would wait for you If you tell me to stay I would stay right through If you don't wanna say Anything at all I'm happy wondering
Go!
Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah
Don't tell me The bad news Don't tell me anything at all Just tell me That you need me And stay right here with me
If you want me to wait I would wait for you If you tell me to stay I would stay right through If you don't wanna say Anything at all I'm happy wondering
If you want me to wait I would wait for you If you tell me to stay I would stay right through If you don't wanna say Anything at all I'm happy wondering
Every time my mind wanders off, there you are, standing in front of that lemonade stand in your music video, Predictable.
YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL!!!
I'm having major writers' block.
I used to write a lot. By a lot, I mean a lot.
I have a lot of finished short stories in a little folder on my computer, all based on embarassing tween romance, my fascination with J.R.R. Tolkien's LOTR ... and my friendships over the years. Well, it's been nearly ... two years since i've written my last story - or even completed some of my old ones.
I used to sit for hours without moving in front of the computer - listening to old Linkin Park songs and Backstreet Boys songs because the songs they sing portray the feelings I usually bring forth in my stories - anger and love. Nope. No RO or MapleStory for me. Just me, WordPad and my keyboard.
And ... now, whenever I open a blank document in WordPad, I try to start this story that i've been wanting to write ever since I had a dream about it one night. And out comes nothing.
Well, maybe i've been channeling my creativity down the wrong path. Maybe i've been spending too much time designing stuff on Adobe. Maybe it's time to stop, and concentrate on what I really really wanna do. I WANT to achieve my dream of becoming a magazine editor. But how can I be one... if I keep having writers' block?
All this has made me wonder - is journalism really for me?
THIS IS REALLY CONFUSING. *stomps off and sits in a corner*
p/s: Really recommended listening - WE'RE GOING RETRO TODAY!! - .. songs like "Lollipop"-MIKA, "Love Today"-MIKA, "I'm Blue DaBaDee"-Eifell 65 and "Bailamos"-Enrique Iglesias.
OH and Fergie's latest single "Big Girls Don't Cry" is really good too :D. Really inspiring. So listen up!
Modeling for Pepe jeans - they have this fabulous brand in HongKong and ALL their jeans and shirts are uber nice. But uber expensive - one pair of girls' jeans are slightly more expensive than Guess' jeans.
Why, you wanna tell me how to live my life? Who, are you to tell me if it's black or white? Mama, can you hear me? Try to understand. Is innocence the difference between a boy and a man. My daddy lived the lie, it's just the price that he paid. Sacrificed his life, just slavin' away.
Ohhh, if there's one thing I hang onto, That gets me through the night. I ain't gonna do what I don't want to, I'm gonna live my life. Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice, Standing on the ledge, I show the wind how to fly. When the world gets in my face, I say, Have A Nice Day. Have A Nice Day
Take a look around you; nothing's what it seems We're living in the broken home of hopes and dreams, Let me be the first to shake a helping hand. Anybody brave enough to take a stand, I've knocked on every door, on every dead end street, Looking for forgiveness, what's left to believe?
Ohhh, if there's one thing I hang onto, That gets me through the night. I ain't gonna do what I don't want to, I'm gonna live my life. Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice, Standing on the ledge, I show the wind how to fly. When the world gets in my face, I say, Have A Nice Day. Have A Nice Day.
[Guitar Solo]
Ohhh, if there's one thing I hang onto, That gets me through the night. I ain't gonna do what I don't want to, I'm gonna live my life. Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice, Standing on the ledge, I show the wind how to fly. When the world gets in my face, I say, Have A Nice Day. Have A Nice Day. Have A Nice Day. Have A Nice Day. Have A Nice Day.
When The world keeps trying, to drag me down, I've gotta raise my hands, gonna stand my ground. Well I say, Have A Nice Day. Have A Nice Day Have A Nice Day
-*-
Just felt that this song and these lyrics appeal to me most right now. Just to block out every single bad feeling that I feel and just get on with my life. To pick myself off, to lick my own wounds, to stay strong and to fight for my self.
Bon Jovi does wonders. Jon Bon Jovi inspired me to write, and he cured my writers' block that plagued me for a few months. My pen can fly freely over paper like it did once before.
so, i was cleaning my mailbox today and i found this unopened email from Mugen waaaaaaay back on my birthday.
hey winnie how its going today? ..you know when i met you i thought u were like all ppl i met in RO haha but you know i never noticed when we became so close haha u know i really appreciate ur friendship i really want to met you in person that would pwn XD cuz u are a very special girl not like girls here i know u are more MORE lol open and funny and creative u have like a special power i dont even know u in person but i really appreciate you if something bad happends to you i wont think twice to help you you know u count with me ..haha i cant understand how can i pass better moments talking with you than with ppl that i know well actually i do haha cuz u are super druper (that super druper was stolen from u) XD intelligent and u really know when i say you look pretty in pic and that about u sexy its true XD lol true you are 1 of the most perfect girls i know haah well i cant tell u that you are perfect cuz no1 is but u are so close to be :) belive me ahhhh winnie :( i wana malasya :( but i dun think i can till 2008 maybe cuz i didnt pass maths and dad is mad at me :( shitttttt haha well someday someday :) (i hope) LOL well hmmm i gtg now but all i ve said here its true you are pretty,sexy,intelligent,creative,good friend,and all good things in the world... knew you is 1 of the best things that has happened to me =) ok ok hah now i gtg have a beautiful day and be sexy hot cute carrot :) dun let ppl annoy you :) and AGAIN HAPPY BIRTHDAY HONEY =)
HOW COULD I HAVE MISSED THIS?
was i blind or something?
i'm sorry Mugen. really. these days i've been really busy and stuff and i always end up accidentally leaving you mid-conversation till you go offline. i'm sorry - i don't intend to do that - it's just that i'm so caught up in what i'm doing that i always forget that i'm doing something else. (ask Huai - i always end up accidentally leaving her mid-conversation, too.)
i really treasure this e-mail.
you're one of the best friends i've ever met - most of the people in RO i've met before Ardent were just guys who were nice to talk to in-game. you're so much more. you're a true friend, Mugen. always remember that. you're the first friend to send me such an e-mail like this that made me smile. :)
you'll always be our caring, kind, super-duper carrot who'll always be there for us.
thank you so, so, so, much. :)
*
i spent most of my night designing this. i just finished it ten minutes ago.
i love the colors and stuff, and the theme!
i hope the girls on the poster don't realize that i actually chose their picture randomly on Google and used it...
Here's a story I thought of, inspired by the movie Sunshine. It's NOT about Ryden slash or homosexuality. I don't know what's it about.
I just felt this... feeling. This story is deep.
Besides, homophobia is stupid.
Stars.
"Do you believe in God?"
We crouched behind the altar an hour before the Wednesday night service, leaning against the base of the cross and sinning. "Do you believe in God?"
With his face so close to mine, his honey-brown eyes staring into mine, it was so hard to say no.
Ryan took my hands and rested them on his, not giving me the chance to wipe off the sweat. His were cool and smooth, like a rose petal. Mine were cracked and rough as thorns. Even with the Xanax in my system, my heart was racing. My breathing was kiddie-pool shallow and my hands were in Ryan's.
"Maybe one night, we will."
.
That night we laid on the church roof and watched cars speed down the highway. The sky was polluted with light from yellow street lamps and red headlights, smoke from the factory on the other side of the road. To the west, pink and blue and green fluorescent lights from the strip shone. Stars are obsolete in Vegas.
All of Vegas reflects on Ryan's skin. The real sky hides behind the bright lights. Miles and miles of nothing but airplanes and rockets and gases and the moon. Somewhere beyond the strip there are billions of lights that sparkle like the champagne in the casinos and shine brighter than pennies and quarters spilling out of slot machines.
These massive balls of burning gases rest somewhere in Ryan's eyes.
But stars are obsolete in Vegas.
Ryan asks, "Are you afraid of falling?"
Underneath us all I see is cars and pavement, cars and pavement and lights. What if I were to fall? This far above the city, split by gamblers and trophy wives... this far above the city with Ryan at my side, the moment I lost my footing I would grow wings.
"No." He turns away from the skyline and stars straight through my eyes and into my heart.
I'm seeing stars.
"Brendon, can you fly?"
He runs his fingertips down my cheek, and you would've thought he was wearing a silk glove if it weren't for the electricity pulsing through my veins, electricity that can only be a result of skin-on-skin contact. Or lightning. His hand returned to his side and it was like someone had flipped a switch and turned off the sun.
"We'll fly someday."
The word "we" was my compensation.
.
"What's your worst fear?" he asked me, shaking the last drop of Jack Daniel's into his mouth. I don't remember too much about this, except for the headache I had when I woke up.
"Hell." I broke the top of a new bottle and took a swig. Ryan drinks because he can remember all the crazy shit people tell him. I drink so he has crazy shit to remember.
"Why?"
"Because that's where I'm going." He didn't answer immediately. I took it as a sign to take another drink. The gravel I leaned back on cut my palms.
"Me too." He grabbed the Jack Daniels from my hand and poured Skyy vodka into my mouth. Excess alcohol left a wet spot on my shirt.
"Brendon," Ryan took my hands, forcing me to use the dumpster to support myself.
My shirt stuck but I was too busy concentrating on Ryan to care, my darting eyes taking the path his paved. Behind him was a backdrop of what was probably bricks and trees and parked cars; but blurred together, a rainbow.
"Brendon, you're not gonna die alone."
My hands stung like hearts and Ryan's vodka was seeping into my cuts and through my skin.
.
I met him at a strip joint a block away from the church.
Ryan sat in the corner with a notebook and cheap whiskey. He didn't talk to anyone. A blonde with a scarf around her chest tried to give him a lapdance.
We made eye contact as I slipped out the door, clutching a bottle of half-empty vodka.
.
Am I loud and clear, or am I breaking up? Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck? Are we getting close or are we just getting more lost? I'll show you mine, you show me yours first. Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse. Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words.
Midway between the church and the strip club there's a highway underpass. Next to the underpass is a retention pond. Paper cups from fast-food chains and cigarettes litter the banks, and the stench is something of oil and brake fluid. Ryan's jeans were rolled to the knee and his legs dangled that deep into the water. I don't know whether to watch his fingers or his lips or his eyes.
We live on front porches and swing life away. We get by just fine here on minimal wage. If love is a labour I'll slave 'til the end. I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand.
The Rise Against ballad escaped his lips sounding like perfection. I can't think of any way to describe perfection beside Ryan singing Swing Life Away. Under the layer of gray clouds and kept company by half-eaten McDonald's burgers and styrofoam cups, we could be anywhere.
I've been here so long, think that it's time to move. Winter's so cold, summer's over too soon. Let's pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow. I've got some friends, some that I hardly know, But we've had some times I wouldn't trade for the world. We'd chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go.
Lightning struck and Ryan continued playing. His acoustic guitar was splitting at the bottom, and there were traces of water damage around the neck. Rain pelted down on us. Thunder tried to drown him out but I was deaf to anything that wasn't Ryan.
If love is a labour, I'll slave 'til the end. I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand.
The sky was no longer gray. It was black and purple and green. Highway traffic was thinning, but Ryan was singing and his voice alone was more effective than any dose of Xanax. He slipped towards the water, until dark brown ran up the threads of his jeans from the murky pond.
It's darker than night ever is in Las Vegas. There's one flash of lightning, as for the shortest second Ryan and his guitar are silhouetted against a yellow-white backdrop. Blindingly bright like staring straight into the sun. Bright white like the stars I'll never see.
...Swing life away.
The next second all I see is the broken neck of a guitar, scorched and floating away from me.
.
May 13, 2007 On Saturday, May 12th, two young men were found by the retention pond off of Highway 72. The body of Ryan Ross, 17, was discovered floating on the pond. Officials say he was killed when lightning struck the water. He died immediately. Brendon Urie, 15, remains in shock but is uninjured. The service for Ross will be held on Friday the 18th.
.
I don't understand why cars still speed down the highway stories underneath me. The streetlamps, the neon lights from the Strip make me want to scream. I want to see the nighttime sky the way it's supposed to be seen. Ryan's eyes are in the stars. But stars are obsolete in Vegas.
Even on a triple dose of Xanax and prescription painkillers, you're too alive for the city not to shut you out.
During the service underneath me, people pray for Ryan's family and Ryan "in heaven". Do I believe in God? "Yes." There's a response. I turn around and all of Vegas's lights go off for me. "Ryan?" He laces our fingers together, makes them fit so perfectly. It's me, he says, I'm here for you.
From the view from the church roof, we can see a black hole. Even mud and asphalt reflect more light than the retention pond. "Are you afraid of falling?" he asks. We slip closer and closer to the edge of the roof. I might be legally insane without my Xanax. Ryan cups my face in his hands and strokes my jaw with his thumb. The contact sends sparks down my spine. It reminds me of lightning. His eyes shine, and he doesn't look at me. He looks into me.
I can feel his breath on my lips when he whispers, "Brendon, we're going to fly." And with his hand in mine,
I jump.
***
Tomorrow i'm going over to college to work on assignments with a certain donkey and a certain pelican. Though it's work, i'm kind of glad that i'll be actually doing something productive for a change, this weekend instead of lazing around, doing nothing and raiding the fridge. And who knows? It might be fun ;)
i want electric blue nailpolish. :(
I've learnt to treasure all I have.
You left me hanging from a thread we once swung from together I’ve lick my wounds but I can’t ever see them getting better Something’s gotta change Things cannot stay the same
be inspired by all that you see today. in my case, Capa from Sunshine.
Capa: So if you wake up one morning and it's a particularly beautiful day, you'll know we made it.
After reading WeiHong's post, I felt nostalgic, and I was inspired to do the same. And after going through a few photo albums, I realized one thing.
I've been doing piggy faces since young.
Really.
Don't believe me? Here, i'll show you!
Hell, I was one evil kid.
Me in red-and-white-dress : MWEHEHEHE... A YEAR CLOSER TO BEING LEGAL~!
Me during my 2nd birthday party.
>=D after watching too many reruns of power rangers and what not... "I SHALL RULE THE WORLD!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA~!!!"
I had this as my DP in MSN for like 30 minutes.
"Eh, was that you !?" "Yeah. LOL! Damn evil right my face >=D I have 10 other pictures with this same expression LOL" "... Thank God I didn't know you when you were younger."
Thats me, one year old or more, with my mom.
i'm the one in the flowery monstrosity that my mom chose to put on me, next to Huai (in the hood) and Bone (striped red-and-white candy cane shirt). MINI GUAVAS HOOO!
WE THA NIGGAZ WITH BIG SNEAKAZZZ! I just noticed we ALL we wearing sneakers. Mine was white with pink laces *smacks forehead* HOW DID I LET MY MOTHER DRESS ME LIKE THAT?!
Thats me, three or four years old and on holiday with the cahzens :D
And lastly...
Wilson: "MA! WHERE'S MY FERRARI?! YOU SAY YOU GIVE ME FERRARI BUT INSTEAD YOU GIMME PAPER PLATE! :( *pouts*"
That's my brother with his stupid i-wan-food face -_- everytaim he wants food sure put on that pout. garenti. more proof tomorrow - i found a few more pictures that made me laugh like an ass.
p/s: TERENCE, I WANT SHOGUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Theres no kindness in your eyes The way you look at me, it's just not right I can tell whats going on this time Theres a stranger in my life You're not the person that I once knew Are you scared to let them know it's you? If they could only see you like I do Then they would see a stranger too
maybe it's me, maybe it's you. but whatever it is, we're different. it's all different. what do i have to do to bring it all back?
"Blog about something more interesting ... why nowadays your blog like so dull already??"
That's because my life is dull.
I'm not really allowed to go out, and most of my time is spent sitting in front of the computer.
What am I supposed to blog about? Pics of me sitting at the computer in my pajamas?
Oh, today, I sat in front of the computer and then I played RO. I talked awhile with Huai and Joan and then I went downstairs to read a little LOTR and then I sat and played with my dog Candy for around 10 minutes and then... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
(The only part of the holidays I actually enjoy is sleeping in. Other than that, zero. Nil. Nada. Nothing else. Oh, yes, and the fact that I need not dress up to go anywhere every day -_- I can just throw on an old teeshirt and a pair of shorts.)
I have this strange craving for beef right now. Japanese teppanyaki beef with that sweet sauce on top.......... *drooools*
Okay, enough, before I create a puddle on my tabletop.
Yeah, I designed something today. A design of the band The Academy Is... It took me around six hours to finish it, and touching it up.
It's on my design site, MascaraSpots, and I love it to death. :D
All right. That said, I need to continue with the writing of my story - I hope i'll really finish it, because this time, i've actually got a plot for it. Yes, mister smarty pants (you know who you are), YOU CAN HELP BY NOT NUDGING ME EVERY TIME YOU SEE MY STATUS ON AWAY.
I'm paranoid about everything. Diseases. Ghosts. Insects. Stuff that i'm afraid of. Murderers. Serial killers. Robberies. Etcetera, etcetera. Especially diseases.
I remember not too long ago (4 years ago to be exact), my cousin brought back this Medical Q&A book for my mother about every single ailment available. During one of my nightly Mamee noodle escapades, I was curious, and since there was nothing better to read, I flipped through the book, hoping to gain some knowledge. Oh, I gained knowledge, all right. A mere flip-through, and i'd read about diseases such as diabetes, cancer and leukaemia. I was especially interested about the symptoms - hey, they say curiosity kills the cat, and really, i've learnt my lesson.
I read that if you had diabetes, your symptoms were drinking massive ammounts of water, eating too much, losing weight in a short period of time, always feeling thirsty, frequent urges to pee, having sweet cravings (shit, i DO have sweet cravings. fuck -_- i'm being paranoid again...) and even wetting the bed at night. From then on, I drank less water, thinking that if I drank more, I would pee more, and therefore i'd be diabetic. I know, you'd probably be going "Omg, paranoid much?" as you read this, but seriously, you'd be too if you read through the book.
I kept pestering my mom to take me for a blood sugar checkup. I fasted for a whole morning, not even drinking a drop of water. Finally, when my mom took me to have that checkup, the reading was 5.6. I got so scared, I almost passed out in front of everybody in that little pharmacy. Mom had to shove something sweet into my mouth and wave a bottle of oil over my nose until the color returned to my face and I could breathe properly again.
Well, after that, I drank nothing but water and iced tea, and ate no sweets - only lots of Ricola and S-Mint (claiming to be sugar-free sweets, but there was sugar in them, only I wasn't really smart enough to read the scientific names of chemicals at the back of the little packs). I stayed off sugar for around six whole months. I guess the packs of Ricola were what kept me going.
Well since then, i've been really afraid to test my sugar level. I'm scared that if I do, my sugar level will be higher than before.
Now in college, i've been drinking lots of sweet things each day like teh ais and bubble tea. And only drinking like a tiny cup of water before bed. (True, I swear). It's really surprising that i've survived until now.
I think I want to stay away from sugar again. And i'm gonna drink lots of water. It may be too late, but at least i'm making a change.
Please smack me if you see me ordering or drinking anything else but water or iced chinese tea.
God, please warn me one month in advance before anyone is going to spring us a 13+ page assignment next time? Thank you.
Off tooooooo beddddddddddzzzzzzzzzzz *snore
*slaps self* THIS. HEADER. IS. GOING. TO. STAY.
at least for one month. i've been flitting from header to header to header to header and i can't stop designing!
when i take a break from working on the superhero assignment i just start to design.
well, this time, Ryan Ross from P!ATD (Panic! At The Disco - great music, by the way), inspired me, big time i just LOVE that picture he is in with Brendon. Both of them would make a cute couple, don'tcha think? *coughstoherselfandremembersdollarandpounds*
the credits are at the bottom left, if you want to know where i get my brushes and stuff from
and now, pictures, for you to drool on :-
i think my ryanross obsession is returning again >_> (if you know me well, i tend to obsess over certain cute celebrities from time to time...)
Proves that most people put eyeliner on with their mouth open
He uses mascara - or is it liquid eyeliner? - to do intricate designs on his face Damn talented ok - i can't even put my own eyeliner on properly -_-
(as you can see, i used this pic up there)
The whole band of P!ATD floating in a sea of black balloons I decided not to include the other 2 members - they don't really look as good as Brendon and Ryan.
I also used this picture and i'd purposefully cut a bit of his shoulder off >_> .. Fine. It was an accident :( *sighs .. too late to go and edit it now :( *
Ryan on the left with his ubercute hair!
My most favorite picture of P!ATD.
:) Ryan shooting an adorable smile to the audience.
I also covered half of Ryan's guitar accidentally. -_- must learn to be more careful next time.
Ryan is the songwriter for all of P!ATD's songs (yes, all their songs have very very unique lyrics) That's where his artistic side kicks in ;)
Brendon looks like a duck in this pic. NEXT. (and yes, i also used this picture in my header :D )
Scary Ryan. Serious Ryan.
I absolutely LOVE his makeup jobs - all self done!
Emo Ryan I looove this pic.
"Winnie, who is that zombie in your display picture?" said Mugen >_>
Ryan Ross is pretty ;)
Well then, I shall have to leave this here, before Mr.Indy kills me on Wednesday for not doing work >_> * have to go analyse the fantastic4 now JohnnyStorm is burning hawt :D
i miss a certain friend :( it'sbeensolongsincewehadabitchtobitch talk *sigh
p/s: i cut my hair today it's so short i feel like gluing my hair back on
nuuuuuuuuuu :( supermanreturns down, batman, catwoman *anyone got DVDs?*, fantasticfour and spiderman to go!
*drinks more lipton ice green tea and gets to work*
holy baloney i'm addicted on designing now that explains my newest header yet, featuring Simple Plan inspired by manikka
naw, it's not permanent ; i'm reverting it back to my beloved GoodCharlotte tomorrow just downloaded their whole album, Good Morning Revival i adore You're Gone, Superman Can't Walk and Dance Floor Anthem and of course, Keep Your Hands Off My Girl
oh yeah, credits to SimplePlanFan for pictures (absolutely adore the tiny one on the right where they are all wrapped up in the yellow-and-black-striped-duct tape) i made it small so that you people wouldn't fall in love with it too - too many people already brushes to vDesigns (check back to yesterday's post for the link) fonts to daFont and yeah i think that's pretty much it
tell me which one you like best and maybe only then i'll make my decision right now, good charlotte it is
so enjoy looking at simple plan for one day if you didn't see it, then look above :)
alrighty, off to RO for guildwar! then research on superheroes looking at brandon routh and christian bale ain't so bad after all :)
" Hahaha, your header looks so fake loh! looks like u didn't design it at all and copy it from some unofficial fansite and just photoshop it and just add your name there n claim it as yours hahaha don lie la i noe u " from a so called friend a few minutes ago
haha, my header looks fake? well, that's what you think.
wow, it looks like it's from some official fansite? thank you, that's such a compliment!
wow, you think i just photoshopped it and just added my name there? three words : fuck off, asshole. as an artist (well, sort of), i NEVER plagarize or take any body's work, and if i do, i CREDIT them or ask permission, that's why i credited the brushes and stuff i used below, and the whole header was made by ME, pieced together by ME and toiled over for 2 hours.
hahaha, don lie la i noe u? you know me? well, think again.
**end edit, as of 12.15 midnight
tribute to Good Charlotte, the bestest punk band of all time
and to Billy Martin because he rocks.
hope y'all like it. i designed it right after i ranted in the last post :S oh gosh it's already 5.31PM
time really flies when you're designing
inspired by mothersound whose blogskins and artwork rock socks
and i think i really overdid it this time went crazy on brush spam and collage and stuff so post your comments on the tagboard if you like it!
brush credits to celestial-star and to vDesigns and random images of good charlotte through google fonts through daFont
i am happiest when left alone to design, i realized i drown out everything and don't even scream at my brother billymartin helped to solve it all
so visit his artwork site and blog here it's really really inspiring
yeah, so i'm logging off now, cos' i'm supposed to go out
Little Wonders. (some of the you's may be the same people.)
- you, and i just hugged you goodbye today :D . you've been practically one of my best friends for my whole life. - you too. FUU-YOH! - you're still and will always be my favorite bimbo ;) - you, whom i've only known for only these two past years (and a few years in primary school) but nevertheless you're a great friend. - you .... you don't know how important you are to me... and you just don't realize it. but thank you so so much. and i treasure everything. - you two. spending time and hanging out with the both of you has brightened up my college days :) - you. the brother from another mother. - you, who drew this :D and sent it to me. and you keep reminding me to wash my hands after i eat >_> LOL
Bat-carrot (notice the little Batcarrot sign! LOL) and Super-carrot respectively. I ADORE supercarrot. SO CUTE LOL. - you, whom i tell all my problems to and you would solve it in your happy-go-lucky way :) .. i miss all those convos with you :S i'm missing a little Dollar2Pounds here!! - you, with all your mammoth jokes LOL :P - you, all about Portugal, Manchester United and Maria Sharapova -_- - you, with your "innocent" lines like "Joan, thanks for blowing" and "Can I ride your dog?" LOL and your expression when your car was towed XD - you. i shared a bit with you and you shared a bit with me. well, your secrets are safe with me. - and all of you others. thank you.
"Wondering"
If you want me to wait I will wait for you If you tell me to stay I would stay right through If you don't wanna say Anything at all I'm happy wondering
Go!
Yeah, yeah
Since I was a young man I never was a fun man I never had a plan and no security Then ever since i met you I never could forget you I only wanna get you right here next to me
Cause everybody (a-whoa-oh-oh) Needs someone that they can trust and You're somebody (a-whoa-oh-oh) That I found just in time
If you want me to wait I would wait for you If you tell me to stay I would stay right through If you don't wanna say Anything at all I'm happy wondering
Now my life is changing It's always rearranging It's always getting stranger than I thought it ever could Ever since I found you I wanna be around you I wanna get down to the point that I need you
Cause everybody (a-whoa-oh-oh) Needs someone that they can trust and You're somebody (a-whoa-oh-oh) That I found just in time
If you want me to wait I would wait for you If you tell me to stay I would stay right through If you don't wanna say Anything at all I'm happy wondering
Go!
Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah
Don't tell me The bad news Don't tell me anything at all Just tell me That you need me And stay right here with me
If you want me to wait I would wait for you If you tell me to stay I would stay right through If you don't wanna say Anything at all I'm happy wondering
If you want me to wait I would wait for you If you tell me to stay I would stay right through If you don't wanna say Anything at all I'm happy wondering
Every time my mind wanders off, there you are, standing in front of that lemonade stand in your music video, Predictable.
YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL!!!
I'm having major writers' block.
I used to write a lot. By a lot, I mean a lot.
I have a lot of finished short stories in a little folder on my computer, all based on embarassing tween romance, my fascination with J.R.R. Tolkien's LOTR ... and my friendships over the years. Well, it's been nearly ... two years since i've written my last story - or even completed some of my old ones.
I used to sit for hours without moving in front of the computer - listening to old Linkin Park songs and Backstreet Boys songs because the songs they sing portray the feelings I usually bring forth in my stories - anger and love. Nope. No RO or MapleStory for me. Just me, WordPad and my keyboard.
And ... now, whenever I open a blank document in WordPad, I try to start this story that i've been wanting to write ever since I had a dream about it one night. And out comes nothing.
Well, maybe i've been channeling my creativity down the wrong path. Maybe i've been spending too much time designing stuff on Adobe. Maybe it's time to stop, and concentrate on what I really really wanna do. I WANT to achieve my dream of becoming a magazine editor. But how can I be one... if I keep having writers' block?
All this has made me wonder - is journalism really for me?
THIS IS REALLY CONFUSING. *stomps off and sits in a corner*
p/s: Really recommended listening - WE'RE GOING RETRO TODAY!! - .. songs like "Lollipop"-MIKA, "Love Today"-MIKA, "I'm Blue DaBaDee"-Eifell 65 and "Bailamos"-Enrique Iglesias.
OH and Fergie's latest single "Big Girls Don't Cry" is really good too :D. Really inspiring. So listen up!
Modeling for Pepe jeans - they have this fabulous brand in HongKong and ALL their jeans and shirts are uber nice. But uber expensive - one pair of girls' jeans are slightly more expensive than Guess' jeans.
Why, you wanna tell me how to live my life? Who, are you to tell me if it's black or white? Mama, can you hear me? Try to understand. Is innocence the difference between a boy and a man. My daddy lived the lie, it's just the price that he paid. Sacrificed his life, just slavin' away.
Ohhh, if there's one thing I hang onto, That gets me through the night. I ain't gonna do what I don't want to, I'm gonna live my life. Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice, Standing on the ledge, I show the wind how to fly. When the world gets in my face, I say, Have A Nice Day. Have A Nice Day
Take a look around you; nothing's what it seems We're living in the broken home of hopes and dreams, Let me be the first to shake a helping hand. Anybody brave enough to take a stand, I've knocked on every door, on every dead end street, Looking for forgiveness, what's left to believe?
Ohhh, if there's one thing I hang onto, That gets me through the night. I ain't gonna do what I don't want to, I'm gonna live my life. Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice, Standing on the ledge, I show the wind how to fly. When the world gets in my face, I say, Have A Nice Day. Have A Nice Day.
[Guitar Solo]
Ohhh, if there's one thing I hang onto, That gets me through the night. I ain't gonna do what I don't want to, I'm gonna live my life. Shining like a diamond, rolling with the dice, Standing on the ledge, I show the wind how to fly. When the world gets in my face, I say, Have A Nice Day. Have A Nice Day. Have A Nice Day. Have A Nice Day. Have A Nice Day.
When The world keeps trying, to drag me down, I've gotta raise my hands, gonna stand my ground. Well I say, Have A Nice Day. Have A Nice Day Have A Nice Day
-*-
Just felt that this song and these lyrics appeal to me most right now. Just to block out every single bad feeling that I feel and just get on with my life. To pick myself off, to lick my own wounds, to stay strong and to fight for my self.
Bon Jovi does wonders. Jon Bon Jovi inspired me to write, and he cured my writers' block that plagued me for a few months. My pen can fly freely over paper like it did once before.
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